Entry 8: Is it a rant, or just slow progress?

May 6th, 2025

I sat down at the table in the living room. The emptiness of the space didn't bother me, rather, I felt locked in to work on things I needed to do. I looked over a file I had downloaded overnight.

"Ok, the files were downloaded, and slowly but surely, I am able to add things to the site." I thought to myself.

I'll be frank, I took having multiple displays, a mouse, and a keyboard setup for granted. I glided through the keys, adding stories into the journal, fixing sections of the site one by one.

I found time to work on my portfolio some nights as I hung out with my family these past three days. I am glad that a lot of those files were already implemented here and there on the site, with only a few "bigger" projects left to submit.

I looked at what I was able to do, and was glad I had things somewhat close to finish. But, something was missing:

More projects.

That said, I began to reflect. I do wish to develop a habit of "just creating" for the fun of it, and not for a client, or out of necessity. Why, or when, did I start to not pursue making things without a huge goal behind it?

In school, I thought, "I'm making this because I want to have it for portfolio... and an A in class." But now that isn't the case, and projects will come from my own thoughts. How do I do that exactly? I have been so conditioned to rely on a project syllabus or prompt from assignments.

Am I a creative still, or just a mimic?

I can't be the ladder.

But, isn't it good that I am recognizing this? I can look for inspiration in places other than an assignment tab on Canvas.

I closed the computer and took a small stroll around a circular path around the living room, then the second living room, then the kitchen, then back to the open living room. I recalled a list I had made earlier in the day.

I am currently on the job hunt once again. A day before my graduation, I had gotten the news that the work I had been doing in Boston had been evicted from their location due to inconsistent leasing terms, and in correspondence, that I had 30 days before going unemployed. At first, I was worried, but now I have come to terms that means my journey of being a creative has been jump-started, for action to happen now. So what am I doing? I am keeping a list of potential studios I could collaborate with and employ in the Boston area.

I returned to the computer after three laps and began typing a small entry.

First and foremost, God's timing is always right. If I am to get work immediately afterwards, it will happen. Not in how I'd imagine it, but nonetheless, it will happen.

Where one door closes, God opens another somewhere else. So far, I have six locations I could check; let's see what happens.